oh my god i’m fucking sick of this generation’s mentality that your sadness is beautiful and somebody will fix you and all this fucking john green shit nobody will find you in a bookstore reading bukowski and want to lie with you and nobody will kiss your scars and you will not be like effie and freddie you’ve got to be your own fucking hero and surround yourself with positivity
A CROW TRIED TO GO IN OUR CLASSROOM AND HE HAD A PEN
yes hello i am here to learn geometries
That crow is more prepared than some of my students.
if there’s any video that makes me feel better when i’m kind of bummed out
it’s this one
send help I can’t breathe
this is god’s way of telling us the laws of thermodynamics exist for a reason (the effect is achieved by setting the game’s friction multiplier to a negative number)
this video NEVER fails to make me smile within seconds
you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
i feel it necessary to reblog since i just read that whole thing
I REALLY LIKE THIS URBAN LEGEND BEHIND THE WORD, "FUCK"
THAT SAID THAT IN THE MIDDLE AGES, DURING THE BLACK DEATH, RESOURCES WERE SCARCE SO COUPLES HAD TO OBTAIN ROYAL PERMISSION TO HAVE CHILDREN
SO THEY HAD TO PUT UP A SIGN ON THEIR HOUSE (VISIBLE ON THE ROAD) THAT SAID,
“FORNICATION UNDER CONSENT of KING”
AND THEIR ENTIRE STREET WOULD KNOW THEY’RE FUCKING
oh my god my dad just went out to walk the dog and he must have got halfway down the street and then he just came back and I was like “what’s the matter” and he just said really quietly “i forgot the dog” and my dog was just siTTING BY THE DOORSTEP WITH HIS LEASH ON LOOKING REALLY SAD kOMFGYOD
no is this real this can’t be real what would these people do in my town
Oh my god that’s just pathetic
UGH THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY